Always Help Drunk People Home
by Navigate Me
Summary: In which Hijikata helps Gintoki home late at night after getting wasted, listens to him sing Super Bass on the way, and spends the night with the perm-head. Now, let's just hope they don't wake up Kagura and Sadaharu. YAOI; Gintoki/Hijikata. TWO-SHOT.


**Title:** Always Help Drunk People Home.  
><strong>Author:<strong> Navigate Me.  
><strong>Warning:<strong> Language. Sex shall be coming in the next chapter.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> In which Hijikata helps Gintoki home late at night after getting wasted, listens to him sing Super Bass on the way, and spends the night with the perm-head. Now, let's just hope they don't wake up Kagura and Sadaharu. YAOI.

A/N: There doesn't seem to be enough Gintoki/Hijikata on here. I know, I know. I have a bad history with starting fics and not updating, but, I already have half of the next chapter done. I just need to finish it, and edit it. Writing sex isn't my forte, really. This is my first Gintama fic (I just got into the series about two weeks ago) and I'm really nervous about this. But, anyway, here you go. ;v;

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><p>"We'll be leaving, sorry for any trouble he's caused, sir." Hijikata threw an arm around the drunk Yorozuya's torso. The other returned the action, with his own around Hijikata's shoulders. The smoker grunted as the other man's entire being leaned against him for support. The room span before his dead-fish-like eyes, but for some reason, it did not seem to matter. As a matter of fact, it was kind of cool, and he snickered.<p>

"At least try standing on your own!" Hijikata hissed in annoyance into other's ear, who winced in response. For someone who looked in very good shape, Gintoki was a heavy bastard. To make things worse, the fact that he was flailing around drunkly only made things harder for the Shinsengumi. For a moment, Hijikata wondered why he even bothered helping the intoxicated child of a man to back to his home. After all, only bad things happened when he was around the silver-haired. So, if misfortune only followed when Gintoki was sober, Hijikata didn't even want to _imagine_ what could possibly happen with him inebriated beyond comprehension.

"Bastard, get back here!" A drunk man called from behind, swinging his fists angrily in the air. Judging from his red face, and tipsiness despite being seated, it was obvious the man was drunk. There was an angry expression on his face, and he flipped off Gintoki, who stuck his tongue out mockingly in response. Suddenly, the man made a move to stand up, only to collapse miserably on the floor.

Hijikata shook his head. Poor guy. He took one look at the figure on the floor behind him before turning away feeling embarrassed for him.

"Hahah—Nice move!" Gintoki taunted, his words slurred, as he let Hijikata lead him out of the bar. "Have fun lyin' there, you bastard!"

"If he's a bastard, you're an idiot! Shut up!" The vice commander chided. Turning his head to look at the barkeep, he gave a sheepish grin. "Once again, I'm sorry any of the trouble he's caused."

Cleaning the counter with a small, worn-out blue rag, the old man chuckled heartily. "It's fine, it's fine. He's one of my best customers, though, I don't think my other customers appreciate him as much as I do when he's drunk like that. Just make sure he doesn't drink too much, mm?"

"Don't worry, he won't be drinking for a long time after this—" He tried to reassure the old man, only to be interrupted by Gintoki's boisterous yelling.

"It was his faul', though!" The silver haired pointed to the man who had fallen to the floor. At this point, he had not bothered to even get up. Whether it was because he was too drunk to even push himself up, or because he was passed out, Hijikata wasn't all that sure. The barkeep shook his head with an amused smile.

"Tha' bastard started it!" Gintoki yelled.

"Shut up! You're drunk, and you almost go into a fight. Now cram it!" Hijikata shouted back. If it were not for any complaints from the other people in the bar, Hijikata would have just left Gintoki there. Whether the idiot got a black eye or not from a silly bar fight was the least of his worries, and was of no concern to him. What was, though, was what could have happened if a fight broke out throughout the bar. Hijikata wasn't sure what it was about Gintoki, but for some odd, unfortunate reason, he had a tendency of pulling others into his gravitational pull at the worst of times.

Pulling the drunk man out of the bar, who at this point began giggling out of no where and for not apparent reason, Hijikata then made his way to the Yorozuya headquarters. The faster he'd drop him off, the faster he'd get to return to the Shinsengumi compound, have a good night sleep, and maybe even have something to eat. With mayonnaise, of course.

Just the thought made his mouth water slightly. Oh, how he had been craving for something to eat. He had miss dinner that day. That bastard Sougo had planted a bomb in his food thinking he would not notice. How stupid did he think he was? Sure, he was not a genius. But he _did_ know a bomb when he saw one. If the bomb just lying blatantly on his plate after he turned back from talking to Kondo wasn't enough of a give away, the loud ticking and sound of people yelling 'bomb!' only made it even _more_ obvious.

"Boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away. Beatin' like a drum, and it's comin' your way.~" Hijikata's eyebrow twitched. "Can't you hear tha' boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom—"

"THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?" The vice commander shouted at the other in growing irritation.

"'M singin'!"

"WELL, STOP IT."

There was a moment of silence, where only the sound of passersby chatting here and there was heard, coupled by footsteps and Gintoki's heavy breathing. Hijikata was grateful the other had finally stopped singing. It was ironic, though. The only time the Yorozuya decided to listen to him was when he was as drunk as a motherfuc—

"BOOM, BADOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BADOOM, BOOM—"

"I WILL HURT YOU." Hijikata was on the verge of throttling the poor man at this point. "BE GRATEFUL I'M TAKING YOU HOME."

"Sorry, but 'm not that kinda guy. You barely even know me and—"

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT." After faceplaming, he ran the same hand through his dark hair in annoyance. He stopped Gintoki from getting into a fight and possibly hurting other people in the process. That was good enough. So, why in the world was he wasting his valuable time helping him home to that massive dog and red-headed girl? Gintoki was a fully-grown man. He could handle himself. He did have his sword on him. Even if it was wooden, it had to deal some damage, right?

Turning his attention away from the silver-haired, who continued to sing in an obnoxiously loud voice whatever horrid song involved a 'super bass', whatever that was, Hijikata looked up to the sky to see stars were already out. By now, the streets were close to empty, with the only exceptions being them, a few stray cats, and the few people leaving the bar, or making their ways home. It looked safe enough for Gintoki to make his way home on his own, Hijikata thought, and he made a move to remove the drunk man's arm around his shoulder.

"Well, looks like you can get back yourself—"

Instantly, Gintoki's grip around the other tightened, and he rested his chin on the other's shoulder. "Huh? Where you goin'?"

"You're so fucking heavy…! Stop eating all those sweets—!"

"Don't leave me~!"

"You're an adult. A stupidly immature one, but still an adult. Make your way back yourself—!"

"Is that wha' the Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi does? Aband'n' someone who is clearly drunk, 'nd unable to walk on his own? Look at me!" Gintoki made an attempt to stand on his own, resulting in him falling back and into the Shinsengumi to prevent him from falling over completely.

Hijikata caught the other and opened his mouth to swear, yell, and tell the other to go 'screw off', but when he did, absolutely nothing came out. As much as he hated to admit it, the diabetic moron was right. He was was the Vice Commander and, damnit, the more he let the silver-haired's words sink in, the more he began to realize that leaving him now _was_ a bad thing to do. It would be a Sougo thing to do, and he wasn't anything like that sadist.

Although, the image of Gintoki waking up in an alley, surrounded by cats was an amusing mental image.

He shook his head. With a sigh, he gave in. "Fine. But, you owe me."

"Wha'ever." Gintoki replied in unknown satisfaction before hiccuping.

—

"BOOM, BADOOM, BOOM, BOO—"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO STOP SINGING THAT?"

Gintoki pouted. It was far, far from the cute ones children made. If anything, it only made him look even drunker. "But I like that song—"

"Finally!" Hijikata sighed in relief as they made their way up the stairs that lead into the Yorozuya's home. Walking down the streets with the intoxicated man hanging off him was one thing. Going up a flight of stairs—It was a whole nother story. "Honestly, lay off the damn sweets. You weigh as much as a sumo, seriously!"

"Now, tha's not very nice!" His words were still slurred, and, when Hijikata turned his head to look at Gintoki, showed no signs of sobering up anytime soon. "Is tha' anyway to talk to your girlfrien'?"

Hijikata blushed a dark red instantly. "G-G-G-GIRLFRIEND? YOU ARE NOT MY GIRLFRIEND—YOU'RE NOT EVEN A GIRL."

Instinctively, the smoker jumped away, releasing Gintoki in the process, leaving him to slip down a few steps of the worn out staircase. There was a small 'thud' as he hit the ground, and he groaned in pain. "Ow, my face…" The sweets-lover grumbled. His clothes were covered in dirt, and some mud. The smoker groaned internally. From his spot on the staircase, gun-metal blue eyes watched as Gintoki pushed himself from the ground, and stand up a tad shakily. It was obvious he had not regained his balance, seeing as he instantly moved to lean against the wall next to him to keep him from falling once more. "What'd you le' go for? My arm hurts!" He whined as he rubbed at said arm.

Making his way down, Hijikata grabbed the other's slightly bruised arm and began to lead him up the stairs swiftly. The faster he got him home, the faster _he_ could go home. With that in mind, he forced the door open, sliding it sharply, and then practically threw the other in. Finally, it was over! Hijikata mentally cheered.

"Since you're finally here, 'guess I'll be leaving. You better not get as drunk as you did today the next time you decide to go to a bar, Yorozuya—"

Just as he turned to walk away, a strong hand reached forward and grabbed his wrist, and to his surprised, pulled him in.

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><p>Tell me what you think and if I should continue?<p> 


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